Tuesday, September 15, 2015

I'm missing something....

     Today I do not have school because of Rosh Hashanah, Jewish New Year. I am not Jewish so I don't have obligations to temple, family, etc. Although it's too early to truly feel like a "need a break" from school, I was looking forward to the 4 day weekend in anticipation. In my head, I had a whole To Do list planned out. Instead, I have just felt anxious and a bit paralyzed. 
     In trying to figure out why I don't quite feel like myself, I realized that I have been anxious because of responsibilities I have and because I have a hard time saying no when people ask me for things- especially when help is really needed. I am really good at reading people, which unfortunately means that I already know that you're coming to ask me to do something rather than have a conversation at the first "Hi Jen!"
     I read this article the other day and all I could think was "Yes!!!!! That's me right now." Please give it a read. The "probing questions" were especially helpful to me.  I think that's part of why I'm in a funk this week. I have this overwhelming feeling that I'm wasting my time but can't seem to find something that makes me feel that I'm not. (Well, except spending time with the kids)   Some of the things that normally make me feel productive, joyful or comfortable just aren't.  I don't know if God is trying to tell me slow down, keep going, do what I'm doing- just differently or do something else.  Whatever it is, I seem to be missing it. (I'm really grateful that it's happening when I'm completely by myself at home so I can drive myself crazy though..lol)
    I would appreciate prayers for discernment. I also pray that I genuinely take time to attempt to listen rather than distract myself.

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