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Thursday, October 5, 2017

Keeping it real...

      I sat down with the intention of writing something chatty and cheery, but my mind is racing. Can I be real with you? I cannot slow down my mind today. Here's my day today:

     Wake up- excited for my school day with a new rotation of students that started yesterday. (I'm a teacher if you're new here.) I intended on leaving a little early this morning, but chose not to after my oldest son woke up. I decided to spend 2 minutes chatting with him instead of rushing out to work.
      My drive to work was alright. It takes me between 28-40 minutes to get to work depending on traffic. Today was 28 minutes because of the friendly man behind me who must've been in a rush to get to his place of employment.
       1st class- 7th grade- Ran through a new powerpoint with the kids. Stumbled over every other word. Had a few kids making snarky comments to each other under their breath ("just kidding around" with each other. Nothing vicious or anything.) Got distracted and stumbled more. Felt really stupid and unprepared despite the fact that I was totally ready to go.
      2nd- 6th grade- This class was the best part of my day today. They had a million questions and we didn't get fully through the things I wanted, but it was productive and no time was wasted. They're all really nice kids too and we have great conversations.
       3rd- Prep- Sent something to the copier through my laptop. Went to pick it up and found that it was out of toner. Walked back to my room, switched to a printer, printed 1 copy, picked up, had to go to another copier, copied. Prep over. :/
      4th- 5th grade- They did an easy assignment but were all over the place. Is it a full moon tonight? Wait.. I'm actually going to check. HA HA. Surprise, yes, it is a full moon.   It was okay, I could feel my nerves unraveling. The whole class was full of statements like "I need a pencil" rather than "May I please borrow a pencil?"
     5th- 8th grade- I was disappointed in this class.  I did a fairly easy activity with the kids divided up into groups and I felt like many of them didn't take it seriously. 1 group of girls worked hard but kept commenting at 2 boys. This group had done their work pretty well. The 2nd group had 2 boys and a girl. The girl behaved. The 1st boy is notorious for being very smart but not very nice. The second boy was completely unfocused. The 3rd group worked okay. The 4th group spent more time chatting than working. A girl who sings for me in the 4th group kept turning around and chatting with the 3rd group. I felt really disrespected and, frankly, angry.
      6th- 8th- Knowing that I was aggravated, I tried to give myself a few minutes of buffer time between going through the exact same lesson. The groups worked a little harder than the first class, but things went badly when I realized the half day schedule I had been given was incorrect. The schedule I had gave the kids 15 extra minutes of lunch. A 40 minute lunch on a half day, I knew that couldn't be right. When I mentioned that it must be wrong, a boy spent 10 minutes trying to argue about why I should still send them because that's the schedule I was given. I told him to stop being rude. I plan on apologizing to him publicly in class tomorrow. Despite the fact that he was exceedingly rude, that's not the way I like to treat people. Since I yelled at him publicly, I plan on apologizing publicly.
       After school we had professional development. Our speaker was Jessica Minehan, author of The Behavior Code.I actually enjoyed what she had to say about how to interact with students and some problem solving techniques/suggestions. She was also a really good speaker. I knew when I was walking in that my attitude was not great. I'm glad that I kept an open mind.
The Behavior Code   
    I did have a sweet experience that when I went to the high school, I saw some of my old students who came to talk to me and say hello. 
     When I sat down to write this, I had so many things running through my head:
-How do I help the behaviors of the classes that upset me today?
-Was their disrespect personal to me or did it just make me feel bad after a tough day?
-I'm going to Canada tomorrow. I have never traveled internationally with my family. I'm feeling     overwhelmed and not ready.  We are using Air Bnb for the first time. I have thought through every thing that could go wrong even though I know things will most likely be fine.
-I'm dealing with some health issues, with 3 possible surgeries happening in the next two weeks.  In my head, they're not big surgeries so I'm trying not to worry but I am worried.
- I'm feeling SO ANXIOUS tonight. I have never been officially diagnosed with anxiety, but I'm feeling paralyzed by my thoughts today. Does anyone else get anxious about feeling anxious? 
- I told some students I'd have some things back to them tomorrow and I don't know if they will get done. I'm hoping that once I start, you won't be able to stop me.

      So, that's me today- so far. I'm going to take a few minutes for myself. I'm going to go toss a lacrosse ball around (in a dress) with Tim . Then I'm going to clean my car, pack for Canada and do some schoolwork. If you are the praying type, I would appreciate prayers for our trip as well as for the ability to see things with clear perspective. Thanks!

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