Take a risk

     According to a few personality tests, I am a fairly extroverted person- but I'm an extrovert who likes routine. I do not panic when I have to improvise something instead of follow through with my plan but sometimes I find it hard to do something new. Here's a really lame example that will demonstrate my point. I am a music teacher. I currently teach 308 students in my classes right now. Some of these students I see for 22 days each year, my chorus kids see me a lot more. (There are 700 kids in our whole school. I will have all of them eventually during the year but 210 sing for me all year.) This year I attended a game that one of my singers was playing in. I have known this student for 4 years- seriously, one of the nicest kids I know. It struck me at their game that I had never met their parents. I've seen them play before and as I was watching, I recognized who I thought would be their parents. I wondered why I have never met them after 4 years of concerts and thought "I should say hello after the game." When the game ended, they walked by, looked at me and gave a bit of a nod and then continued. I almost said hello and introduced myself but then I got nervous. If they wanted to meet me, why didn't they stop? Did I have the right parents? Maybe they don't know who I am. Maybe they do know who I am and aren't interested in talking to me.  The next day I was thinking about why I didn't make a move to say hello. I think I just got self-conscious.
   Let me contrast this with another story. There is a new woman working at our school. She is considerably younger than me but seems to have a similar personality. I think she is really funny and really nice. I have wanted to get to know her better but 1) her classroom is not really close to mine and 2) we don't have any of the same time off. She took the position of a good friend of mine who has just retired this year so I really wanted to be a friendly face in the building. One day about 2 weeks ago, I was walking by her classroom and saw her working really hard after school. I decided to step in, say hello and ask how things were going. (Not difficult.) As I left, I thought of how much I enjoyed talking to her and how it was too bad that I didn't know her better. So, I did something out of the ordinary for me- I invited her to come have dinner with my family. We live in a small, cluttered apartment and I tend to be paranoid that people are judging me so sometimes I avoid inviting new people over unless there is a big event. She came over tonight and I had such a great time. She is really interesting, my kids loved her and I think she had fun too. This made me think:
     How much do we rob ourselves of unexpected joy? Routine is nice and predictability is convenient; but what would happen if we opened ourselves up to different experiences, people and choices? Sometimes the most exciting type of joy is the joy that happens when we're not expecting it to come. How can you stretch yourself today that might open up an opportunity to grow, develop a new friendship or turn your life in a completely different direction?

One Thousand Gifts

   I can't believe we're coming to an end of the 31 days challenge. I'm quite content that I have actually posted every day- though there are definitely some changes I'd make if I was to do this again. My topic over the past month has been joy. One of the things that keep me joyful is being able to appreciate what I have and be content with what I don't have. So, I thought I'd celebrate, joy, gratefulness, reaching 150 posts and Thanksgiving by giving away the One Thousand Gifts devotional.

    If you are interested, leave a message below and I will choose a winner (using a randomizer) tomorrow night at about 8.  Good luck!

Letting Go

    I couldn't figure out what to post today. You'd think with a subject like joy that my mind would be overflowing with ideas. After a few minutes of feeling ashamed, I thought about what has made my past few days so much fun-  letting go.
     Letting go in what way? All, really. I mentioned the other day that my weekend was pretty crappy. Nothing really went wrong but I am a "stewer." If something is bothering me, I sometimes obsess about it in my head- even the stupid things. I know that this irrational and I try not to be that way but it's a habit that I've held for over 30 years. Lately I've tried to be more aware of when I'm doing this and have then attempted to "let it go."  In the past week I've discovered that I get really annoyed with people over some pretty shallow things. (I've also realized that there are some lucky people who don't have to try very hard to annoy me.)  These things are easy to let go- mostly because the real issue is me being sinful and not a relevant problem.  What is harder is when I have to stop worrying or need to forgive someone. Oh yeah, still a sin. Whenever I have found myself in this situation this week, I have just stopped to pray. God tells us that he's willing to bear our burdens- so why do I feel like I need to "control the situation?" This will be be an ongoing struggle for me but there is a marked difference when I'm attempting to "let it go."
     The second type of letting go is a little less serious. In my role as a mom, teacher, Christian, friend and more, I often feel a need to look like I have "all my crap together."  Let's be real; being functional is not always the same as being happy about how I am doing in all these roles. I read a post yesterday (from another 31 Days blogger) that talked about embracing imperfection.  There is nowhere in my life that I can just let everything go, but I can definitely take myself less seriously in many areas.              Yesterday I found myself feeling really joyful and satisfied at the end of the day.   I think this had to do with the fact that I let myself just be myself in all areas of my day. In school I chatted with a new a colleague and told her that I would really like to have her over for dinner some night. I don't have a huge connection with many people from work outside of school so this took a little bravery for me. Then I had a prep period where I worked really hard on organizing the rest of the day. I wrote about my choreography lesson with the 8th graders in yesterday's post. I allowed myself to laugh with them and to permit them to be themselves- even if it looked less structured than what some people might like to see. I was proud when I saw students who normally are not engaged let go of whatever is holding them back on other days. They were appreciative that I showed my joy in being with them. I invested some extra time in a few students who needed a little one on one attention. I took the unpopular route and enforced the rules of class for my younger students. I took the instruments they were using away after repeated reminders of playing them correctly and listening when expected. I danced with my 7th grade class while teaching them a piece. (This class has some "mean girls" and some kids who frequently express their opinions- regardless of whether their opinion is appropriate.)  When I got home, I put my family first and spent some time hanging out with them. (I should have been cleaning or correcting.)  David asked me if he could "take me out dancing" in my dining room so we let it go all over the place there. It was so much fun. I even used some of my newly acquired moves from my 8th grade boys. At one point my husband even jumped in. (Those of you who know Matt know that this would be a RARE occasion.) Some of the blogs I read yesterday reminded me to appreciate what I have while I have them, so I took a little extra snuggle time with the kids and let the schedule go a little. All of these were good decisions for me and contributed not only to my joy but the lives of others around me too.
     What has brought you the most joy this week?

Quotes about joy

I'm feeling a little exhausted today so I decided I would keep this post simple. Here are a few quotes I have found about joy tonight.

Day 3- Faith and Joy

Faith and Joy    

   I have always been a "good girl." I was a rule follower, a respectful kid, a hard-worker, etc. I was an honors student involved with tons of activities from music, sports, drama, National Honor Society,leadership seminars, etc. What people didn't really know too much about me is that my home life was not ideal. I'm not going to get much into why things were not always happy but I will say that I often used to use school, activities and music as my escape from everyday life. 

     Around 8th grade I felt called to start going to church. I had always believed in God. My nana is a devout Catholic who goes to mass multiple times a week and talked to me about God quite a few times. My parents "aren't really religious."  This meant that we went to church on Easter and Christmas. My mom felt very uncomfortable in church and my dad was raised Protestant so he didn't really feel comfortable either. So, eventually they stopped going. About 8th grade, some things around home started to get worse and I started to get depressed. I had friends but not too many close friends. I started praying frequently and decided to go to church by myself.

     After a few years of going to a Congregational Church, I became pretty involved there too. I felt like I had many adults who cared about me and I felt like I had a lot to offer the church. I volunteered to be a reader, I sang in the choir, occasionally I did a solo or played the piano. I taught Sunday School to the younger kids. Even in this church, I didn't really feel like I had much of a relationship with God. I knew about God and could answer the normal Sunday School questions but I didn't really understand that God wanted to have a relationship with me.  I got confirmed in this church and continued to go there until I graduated from high school. My parents even came with me sometimes. (My dad really liked coming but then someone spread a rumor and he stopped coming. He had pledged a certain amount to tithe  that year and he wasn't able to tithe as much due to some medical issues of this mom. He was embarrassed to go because of this. We had just switched to a woman pastor and people had spread around that he wouldn't go to church because a woman was in charge. This is a huge shame because I think it really closed my dad's mind about attending a church and being a part of a family of Christians.) 

     Anyhow, when I was looking for colleges, I was really ready to move away and start my own life. I had decided to major in music ed (though it was a tough decision between music and pre-med) and I was looking at schools. Knowing the finances of my family, I looked at 1 state school, which was okay but nothing special. I looked at a school in NH and really liked it there. I auditioned and got into the music department. I actually got some nice scholarship money too. The tour guide I had was really obnoxious and made me feel uncomfortable but this became one of my top choices.  I looked at 2 or 3 other schools that I knew were not for me right away. Lastly, I decided that I would look into Gordon College, a small Christian liberal arts college in MA. In my town, if you went to church at all you were considered a Christian. I had "promised" God that if He was faithful to me when I was growing up that I would attempt to honor Him and so I decided that I would try to look into at least 1 Christian school. 

     I got into all of the schools I applied for. I decided to go to Gordon. During my application process, I'm sure they figured out that I had no idea what I was talking about in terms of my faith. I got into the music department and had some interviews for a large scholarship (which I didn't end up getting but did cause me to have many open, honest, personal conversations with the staff who was talking to me). At Gordon I decided that I would start over in life. I was surrounded by many kind, caring people and many people whose lives seemed really ideal from the outside. Classes were challenging for me- or at least the classes based on the Bible since I had barely any knowledge.

     During my freshman year I became a Christian- knowing and understanding that I would base my life on what I felt Jesus was asking me to do in life. I had realized that Jesus had come to earth to die in my place for my sin. (I have had some of my family say "come on, really. What sins have you committed?" It's true that I have not done anything horrid but sin is sin- lying, gossiping, gluttony, etc. Romans 6:23 says "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.") I began to recognize God's provision in my life, even in times that were difficult. I began to have worth (in my own eyes) and my focus changed from self to a purpose way larger than myself.

     The years at Gordon were easy in some ways- I surrounded by many humble, knowledgeable leaders. I met many godly adults who were willing to act as mentors to me (some without even knowing it.. lol). My faith was strengthened daily. I attended chapel and listened intently to learn more about faith and what it meant to be a Christian. 

     However, times were difficult also- I was given an ultimatum if I wanted to "continue at this Jesus freak school or continue to have a relationship" with my family. I attempted to talk to some of the students I thought seemed the "most holy" about this and they thought I was lying about my whole life story since "people who have been though things like this just don't turn out to be normal people." (This was said by a youth ministry major. To this day I want to find him and tell him off.. lol) Many people just seemed to have it easier than I did.

     During my time at Gordon, I met my husband. I was blessed with the faith of his parents and all of my brother and sister-in-laws. I saw examples of godly marriages and faith through a few generations and was again saw affirmation about my purpose.  I began teaching and realized that my faith also impacted the way I treated my students. (Honestly, I wish it impacted the way I interact with the staff more. I'm still working on that.) 

     Fast forward a bunch of years and here's where I am: I am blessed with a church that challenges me to grow in my relationship with Christ. I'm involved with many of the youth programs and I am honored to be a part of the lives of these kids. I still teach at the same school I started at. I love that many of my students respect and care for me as well as for my classes. I know that I am a second mom to quite a few of them- and that, for some, I am one of the most important adults in their life. I have a wonderful family. My husband is very family oriented and my 2 sons are excited about God. (And they're really nice kids, if you don't mind me saying.) Most importantly, I am able to tell you at any given time about some of the things God is doing in my life. I am learning to hear His voice better. I am constantly reflecting on how God has cared for me over the span of my whole life.  This puts things in perspective on the hard days.  I often think about Jesus' sacrifice for ME (and for you too) and about how I really didn't deserve that. 

     I also consider that God made me the way I am on purpose. My talents, quirks, interests, etc- they're all there to carry out what God has intended for my life. God has set apart many people in the Bible and he has set me apart too. Do I always know how? No, but God has equipped me for all I need to carry through with his plan for me.  So all this brings me back to joy- How can you not be filled with joy knowing that the God who created the universe cares about a relationship with you personally? When I look back and see all the ways God has intervened in my life at different points, it is impossible to not have joy. When circumstances of life get me down, it is encouraging to know that this life is temporary- what is eternal is more important. 

    So friends, if you are discouraged, unhappy, lacking or just feeling unworthy, I hope that you know that there is a God out there that deeply loves you and longs for you to seek Him out. He has always been there and he will always be there for you- all you need to do is look.  If there are any of my friends or family who are reading this who are not believers and you'd like to hear more, I'd love to share more with you.  I sometimes am nervous that I won't have the right answers or that I'm not going to speak eloquently enough, but I thought I would put myself out there since I'm challenging myself. My faith has been my biggest source of joy in my life. 

     For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing will have the power to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord!"  Romans 8:38-39

     

Day 2- Joy vs Happiness

Joy versus happiness

    Sometimes I struggle with joy. How can I be joyful if things in my life don't seem to be going well? What if things don't go perfectly as planned? How can I be joyful when things in the world just seem... gross at times. I also wonder how I can be a good witness as a Christian if I'm always complaining about something or if I seem like I'm not happy. I think the reason it is difficult to be joyful is that we sometimes confuse happiness and joy. In my opinion, joy and happiness are two separate things that are still connected.

     According to Merriam-Webster.com, happiness is: noun

obsolete :  good fortune :  prosperity

2

a :  a state of well-being and contentment :  joy

b :  a pleasurable or satisfying experience

3

:  felicity, aptness                                                                                              

     Joy is defined as:

a :  the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : delight

b :  the expression or exhibition of such emotion :  gaiety

2

:  a state of happiness or felicity :  bliss

3

:  a source or cause of delight

     There was one sermon I read, that described 2 Greek words that represent happiness and joy. I think these 2 illustrations really fit with how I think of happiness and joy. The author writes:

              If you will forgive a little language discussion, just as we have two different                                words--happiness and joy, so the Greek also has two different words. The                                    Greek word for happiness is Makarios and it refers to the freedom of the rich                              from normal cares and worries. It is the word used to describe a person who

             has received some form of good fortune--money, health, children and that sort

             of thing. And that is what our word happiness is about. If I am happy, it is 

             because things are going well for me--my outward situation is good. There are

             no crises, I feel good, there's money in the checking account, nobody is out to

             get me, my job is going well, and so forth.

      I also agree that happiness is based on temporary things. Today, I had some fun classes with my 8th grade students. We got a lot done in class and the kids felt comfortable enough with me to tell me how they were honestly feeling about this new school year, their teachers and their lives in general. I had a nice conversation with a new colleague at my school, just making sure that she felt like things were going well in her new job. At the end of the day, after 130 students coming through my room, all I had to do was straighten out my chairs in order to clean up. I learned that some other teachers are feeling a little stressed about their work piling up, or not getting as much done in a day as they'd like- just like I'm feeling. My kids ran out to give me a giant hug once I got home from school. Both sons sat at the kitchen table and fully finished their homework before trying to escape to watch tv. All of these things made me happy. For the moment it was happening, and even remembering all of those things right now, I felt good. The problem with just being happy is that if you're not feeling temporarily good, you sometimes look for that temporary fix. It's like when you really want something that you don't have and you think "If I just had (fill in the blank), things would be better. I'd be much happier." Then you get what you wanted and you think "This is nice, but what I'd really like is (new temptation)." Then you get the next item and the cycle repeats. Sometimes when we're searching for things, we never find happiness- even if we get what we originally wanted. 

     And what happens when things are not going well? I am going to confess- I can be a huge complainer. If you see me (and my Irish skin) on a hot, muggy sunny day, you will not want to be around me. I'm miserable. If I'm surrounded by negative people or people who gossip all the time, I can easily be brought down from "happy" to "grumpy," sometimes I will even be sucked into participating in the complaining. I'm also a worrier. If I am friends with person who is struggling with something or have a student who I know is going through some bad stuff at home, I can stay up at night worrying about things I can do nothing about or about things that don't really affect me personally. My family life is not what I would like it to be. I am frequently disappointed in myself, even when I'm working hard. I also struggle with loneliness or feeling like I don't belong.  Don't even get me started about how I feel when I'm running late. However, I would say that I am a person who is joyful. 

    Joy, to me, means to be happy despite the circumstances that are happening around me.  That doesn't mean that I'm always "the cheery Christian lady" to everyone I meet. There are people who wonder "why I'm always so happy," but I guarantee that "happy" wouldn't be the first word that most people would come up with to describe me. Joy is difficult to explain. I read many articles before writing this post and many authors struggled to come up with how to describe joy. Contentment, happiness, and peace were all mentioned. In general it seemed that people related joy to happiness a lot but it is a deeper, less self-centered happiness. Joy is when you can have a horrible day teaching at school and still know that you are not a failure. It's when you have a bad day and snap at a good friend for no reason, yet still know that they care about you. It's when your kids are misbehaving all day or just insanely crazy and you still understand how blessed you are to have them as your children. It's when you feel like you have not lived up to what God has called you to do yet you know that He will not give up on you

Later, in the sermon I referenced above, the author say:

            We do not have a direct command to always be happy. Neither do we have an

             example of an always-happy Jesus. What we do have is the promise of joy.

             The word in Greek is chairo, described by the ancient Greeks as the 

             "culmination of being" and the "good mood of the soul." Chairo is something,

             the ancient Greeks tell us, that is found only in God and comes with virtue

             and wisdom. It isn't a beginner's virtue, it comes as the culmination. They say

             its opposite is not sadness, but fear.

(credit: http://indulgy.com/post/JIsvi3Mxp1/todayi-choose-joy)

Tomorrow, I would like to talk a bit about how my faith is the source of my joy. 

.

     

31 Days- Joy

So, if you saw my post last night about how I'm not going to be taking part in the 31 days challenge, ignore it.I'm indecisive and was having a huge problem creating a button to put on their site and my blog since I've only done it once before. Ironically, I got so hung up on that that I decided to give up. (I finally created a simple button at Cool Text.)  However, since I've been reading some of the other 31 Days posts, I decided to change my mind.

     I've decided to join the 31 Days challenge hosted by The Nester. It is a challenge to pick a topic and then blog about it for every day in October.   This is my first time doing anything like this so I'm slightly nervous but that makes it exciting too.  I've decided to write about things that bring me joy in these 31 days. These could be deep, personal posts that are really important to me or just little things in life that make me smile. I will come back to this page every night and link up to the pages I have just created. I hope to get to meet more bloggers and connect with new (and old) friends.  I hope you enjoy reading.

Day 1- 31 Days- Joy
Day 2- Joy vs happiness
Day 3- Faith and Joy
Day 4- Timmy
Day 5- Irony
Day 6- David
Day 7- Music
Day 8- Ear worms
Day 9- My town
Day 10- Random Acts of Kindness
Day 11- Happy Mail
Day 12- Noticing the Little Things
Day 13- Quiet Time
Day 14- Relationships
Day 15- Teaching
Day 16- Quotes About Joy
Day 17- Manners
Day 18- Purpose
Day 19- Love
Day 20- Provision
Day 21- Kids
Day 22- Letting Go
Day 23- Doing the Right Thing
Day 24- Pure Joy
Day 25- Friendship
Day 26- Worship
Day 27-One Thousand Gifts Giveaway
Day 28- Take a risk
Day 29- Matt
Day 30- 5 senses
Day 31- End of series